CHURCH BULLETIN BOARD - sent to me by my friend Joycelyn

 The following notices (allegedly)appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."  The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off -let the church help.

Miss Jane Doe sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

Jane Smith and John Doe were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be: What is Hell?  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 p.m. there will be hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Saturday:  "I Upped my Pledge - Up Yours."

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. K. to come forward and lay an egg on the altar

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